So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i drank out of a bidet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
