bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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