I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
