Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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