ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
