**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
