He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
