Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
