I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
