Don't EVER smell your tampon
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
