i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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