you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
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Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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