It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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