I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Mom said you looked used
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
