so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
