I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
