; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
