yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then he peed in my hair
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