Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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