I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
