I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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