sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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