Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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