We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
