I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
