You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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