i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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