Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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