His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
