Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
