laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
