Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
