i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
