Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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