This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
