Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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