a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well you can't waste a boner
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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