I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
