Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
