She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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