i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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