you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
