so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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