I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
