did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
