So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
