one two three fourrrrnication!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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