I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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