I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
