it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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