shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize