You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize