Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
