The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
