It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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