OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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