I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
