I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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