guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
