So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
