hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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