dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
