Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
