NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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