he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
ugly people sure do ruin things
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
