respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
