She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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