Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
