There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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