when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT