Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.