planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you traded sex for a burrito?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual