quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
