Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it