I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.