u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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