I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My liver just broke up with me...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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