ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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