I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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