oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
