You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
