guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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