I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
