He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
