everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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